


Love at First Bite

by hangonsilvergirl



Series: The Best Jokes Are Bad Ones [4]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Jokes, Dick Jokes, Edween2018, F/M, Halloween, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Memes, Mentions of scary things, Swearing, Texting, Tumblr, puns, text, text fic, texting fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 17:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16413053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hangonsilvergirl/pseuds/hangonsilvergirl
Summary: “Only Edward Elric could challenge a vampire to a poetry slam. And win.”These stories take place in theIt's Not a Big Dealuniverse, and were written forEdween2018.





	1. Buck-an-ear

**Author's Note:**

> Themes:  
> \- ~~October 25th: Corn Maze~~  
>  \- ~~October 26th: Haunted House~~  
>  \- October 27th: Costumes  
> \- October 28th: Supernatural  
> \- October 29th: AU  
> \- October 30th: Creatures  
> \- October 31st: Candy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (10:17) _2) You’re ridiculous._  
>  (10:19) I’m a God damn delight
> 
>  **Prompt** : October 25th: Corn Maze
> 
> ~~Trick or~~ **Treat**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edward is plain text  
> Winry is _Italics_

Winry had been dubious, but Ed insistent. (Story of their relationship, probably.)

It was their first autumn/Halloween _together_ together, and Ed had spent a solid two weeks fanatically cramming flyers for season-centric outings into Winry’s school bag, or leaving them not-so-casually on her dorm desk whenever he slept over. These were outings that, being _adults_ now, they were _actually_ free to do (which Winry felt was half of the reason Ed wanted to do them at all: _Just Because We Can_!). There were no more school restrictions, no more parental restrictions, and in this case there were no friend restrictions either because Ling and Lan Fan would _not_ be dragged (despite insistent pestering) into Ed’s newest descent into overzealous insanity. Winry might’ve been dubious in the beginning, but she was also a lot more easily swept up into Ed’s fervor; a side-effect, she supposed, of being in love with such a glorious doofus.

  
***

  
Tuesday, 13th October 2015

(9:15) Winry Rockbell, love of my life

(9:17) _Why no, Ed, that doesn’t reek of impending bullshit at all!_

(9:20) RUDE

(9:21) MAYBE I’M JUST FEELING IN FINE FEATHER, WINRY, LIKE

(9:22) MAYBE ALL THIS PABLO NERUDA FOR ROMANTIC LIT IS TURNING MY PRETTY BLOND HEAD

(9:24) _Maybe chill with the all caps, Mr. Romance._

(9:26) _Don’t you usually flip shit at your dad for the same level of abuse?_

(9:28) You implied that my intentions were less than wholesome, Winry

(9:30) _Well. I mean. Your track record is not exactly crammed with the lovey-dovey, /Edward/._

(9:32) _You bring me french fries, not flowers._

(9:34) You say that like you’d rather I bring you flowers

(9:36) _No, I’d rather french fries._

(9:38) _Just, in terms of the traditionally romantic, serenading me with_ What’s This _from the Nightmare before Christmas is not on par with Pablo Neruda._

(9:40) Well if we’re talking seasonably appropriate, I think that Jack Skellington’s more my dude

(9:45) ~~~Don't leave me, even for an hour, because / then the little drops of anguish will all run together / the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift / into me, choking my lost heart.~~~

(9:48) _I mean…_

(9:50) There’s your Pablo

(9:51) I love you, Win, but not in a creepy enough way to threaten you not to leave me

(9:52) 

(9:55) _I love you too, you absolute weirdo._

(10:00) Now that that’s settled

(10:01) I have two questions for you

(10:03) _Okay._

(10:05) 1) How do you feel about Halloween-themed water balloon fights

(10:06) and 2) Who are some of the werewolf cousins?

(10:08) _1) Water balloon fights… outside? In October? I feel… uninspired?_

(10:10) _2) … Wut._

(10:12) 1) I dunno, the flyer doesn’t say. Maybe a pass on that one then

(10:13) ??

(10:14) 2) The whatwolves, the whowolves, and the whenwolves

(10:16) _1) I think you’ve got us solidly booked for the next two weeks anyway; when were we going to be squeezing in a water balloon fight?_

(10:17) _2) You’re ridiculous._

(10:19) I’m a God damn delight

(10:19) For instance:

(10:20) How do you make a tissue dance ?

(10:21) Put a lil boogie in it

(10:23) _I’ve got one better for you:_

(10:24) 

(10:26) Hey Winry, why didn’t the skeleton go to the Halloween party

(10:27) ?

(10:29) _I dunno Ed, why not?_

(10:31) He had no BODY to go with

(10:34) _Uh huh._

(10:35) 

(10:38) I feel that we’re in the downward spiral of this relationship, Winry

(10:39) The laughter is gone, and soon the love will follow

(10:41) _Alternatively: Tell less lame jokes._

(10:43) NEVER

(10:44) THIS IS WHO I AM

(10:46) _Yes. Edward: Son of Hohenheim._

(10:48) GOD DAMN IT WINRY

(10:50) C’moooooooon. I got one more really good one for ya

(10:53) _I sincerely doubt it, but alright, go ahead._

(10:54) YAY

(10:56) What happens when a ghost gets lost in fog ?????

(10:58) _I dunno. What?_

(11:00) HE IS MIST

(11:00) 

(11:03) _We are breaking up._

(11:05) WHATEVER, I’M HILARIOUS

(11:05) Also, I have a date with Pablo (and by date I mean QUIZ on his ROMANTIC SHIT)

(11:06) See you at lunch

(11:07) ?

(11:09) _You bet._

(11:10) _Do your best!_

(11:11) _Stay out of trouble!_

(11:14) NEVER

  
***

  
The community board in their residence was chock-full of calls-to-seasonal-enjoyment, inclusive and varied; the types of social engagements that Ed had never had a chance to really experience in high school, and that Winry had never bothered with because most of her classmates seemed to invite her to things so that they could talk about her later (or at least that was how Winry felt). University students had been nothing even remotely resembling disingenuous in that regard, not so far, anyway. As a consequence, it was only six weeks into school, and Winry had been more social in those six weeks than in her full four years of high school.

(And she was definitely sure that she’d _never_ had this much _fun_.)

She had left Ed to line up events for consideration, and he ended up posing a ridiculous variety of things to do. For example:

They could go to a ‘Black-Light’ dorm rager in the W-block and get hot-boxed with a bunch of other froshes who they didn’t know, decked out in glow sticks and surrounded by skeleton decorations-- _Which they did_.

They could bob for vodka-soaked apples at a house-hosted toga party, invited by one of Ed’s lab partners-- _Which they did_.

They could carve lewd pumpkins with the art society, lining them up along the main thoroughfare, lighting up the finished products with green and purple, battery-powered tea lights-- _Which they did_ , carving _dicks_.

They could participate in a _Thriller_ flash mob in City Square following a one-mile zombie walk, still wearing the costumes-- _Which they also did_ , and _very_ enthusiastically, thank-you-very-much.

They could play sexy-pumpkin Bingo in the Rosalind Franklin lecture hall, hosted by all the RAs in their building; it was required for each person to dress-up like a sexy pumpkin, all the Bingo clues were sex-related, and you had to scream out ‘Dildo’ instead of ‘Bingo’ if you won-- _Which they did_. Both of them won multiple times (screaming ‘Dildo’ in increasingly dramatic fashion, not to be outdone by one another), and both wore sparkly, orange tutus and pumpkin-faced muscle-shirts. Winry finished her outfit off with fishnet tights and heels, while Ed wore one fishnet stocking on his non-prosthetic leg, capping the look off with a single, molted combat boot.

These were all hilarious, snort-inducing fun.

The corn maze, on the other hand… not so much.

The farm that was hosting the event was nowhere near campus; it was off of the interstate, and in an area of the county where neither Ed or Winry had been before. Ed had asked around though, and everyone he talked to insisted that this was the _best_ corn maze in the state. Apparently the apple cider was “fucking delicious,” they had some kind of pumpkin donut that was apparently “Jesus in donut form,” and the maze itself was said to be the scariest out there; kids under 14 weren’t even allowed to go with parental accompaniment. Winry had hesitated to agree to a Thursday night spent in God-knew-where getting the poop scared out of them, but everything Ed had picked so far had been a ridiculously good time. All the same, there was a niggly feeling in the back of her brain that _maybe_ this wasn’t going to turn out the best. She dutifully ignored it.

***  
  
Monday, 26th October 2015

(3:15) CORN MAZE

(3:16) A-MAIZING and CORN-FUSING

(3:18) _Are we doing corn puns, now?_

(3:19) _I’ve got a good one for that!_

(3:20) _Did you hear about the corn cob who joined the army? They made him a kernel!_

(3:22) EXCELLENT

(3:23) Continue, always

(3:34) BUT I was not specifically shucking corn jokes (HO HO)

(3:36) _Nerd._

(3:37) _Okay. So. You’re meaning a literal corn maze? Like, what? As an addition to your Spoopy Agenda?_

(3:38) Spoopy

(3:30) _Yes, spoopy._

(3:31) 

(3:33) I don’t

(3:33) I mean

(3:33) OK aaaaaaaay

(3:35) _Get hip with the times, Edward._

(3:36) _You’re the one embracing and enthusing all of these Autumnal feels, and you don’t know about Spoop-tober?_

(3:37) _Shameful._

(3:39) One minute: Corn puns

(3:40) Next minute: Shame

(3:41) She turns on a dime, my lady

(3:42) And in more ways than one

(3:42)   

(3:45) _I am genuinely unsure of what you’re trying to imply._

(3:37) I dunno, something sexual

(3:39) ANYWAY

(3:40) SPOOPY corn maze???????? It’s supposed to be the TITS

(3:41) _Well when you put it like that…_

(3:42) _Where is it?_

(3:45) Rush Valley

(3:48) _... Ed, that’s like 2 hours out of town._

(3:50) Hour and a half ish

(3:51) BUT the TITS, Winry, the TITS

(3:54) _When?_

(3:56) Thursday

(3:48) _..._

(3:49) _You want to drive an hour and a half out to Rush Valley, go to a corn maze that may or may not be ‘the tits’, and then drive back… on a school night?_

(3:51) What is this, elementary school

(3:52) We are grown people, Winry

(3:53) We can make our own poor choices

(3:54) Plus fool around in my truck on the way there, and the way back

(3:55) You know: Good, wholesome, corn-shucking times

(3:57) _Your euphemisms seem to be getting a bit crossed._

(3:59) _We don’t need to go to a corn maze in Rush Valley to have sex in your truck, if that’s what your after._

(4:01) I think of it as a possible bonus, not a requirement

(4:03) I really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go to this stupid corn maze

(4:04) I’ll even say the word ‘spoopy’ out loud for you, now that I know it exists

(4:06) _I mean. I guess._

(4:07) _Sure._

(4:08) _Why not?_

(4:10) For the reasons you already listed, probably

(4:11) BUT NO TAKE BACKSIES

(4:11) YAY CORN MAZE

  
***

They drove out in Ed’s pick-up, blasting a Halloween-themed playlist--songs like _Monster Mash_ , _Tainted Love_ , _Zombie_ , _Tarantula_ , the Ghostbusters theme, and, of course, _Thriller_ \--stopping for half-an-hour off a dirt road to fool around in the backseat before continuing on their way. They made it to the corn maze rumpled, but without getting lost. The place was packed with people, to the point of a nearly 45 minute wait to take a turn at the maze itself. They were letting people in in small groups due to the congestion. Ed and Winry had come this far; after an hour and a half drive, what was another 45 minutes? They settled into the line with famed-cider in one hand and famed-donut in the other, content enough for a while. It got colder, and darker; people working at the maze set up controlled bonfires near the line in metal garbage bins, as a means of accommodating both. When their turn finally came, Ed and Winry were grouped with a pile of other teenagers, and sent on their way with a) stern warnings about not defiling or defacing the decorations, and b) hints on how to get out.

The other teenagers branched away from them almost immediately, separating into small groups, leaving Ed and Winry alone. They lit the dim pathway with their phone flashlights; the corn stalks glowed in ambient reds and blues, but it was hard to see much more than shadows by them. Ed and Winry were holding hands, and the further in they got with nothing happening, the tighter they gripped together their sweaty palms.

“Ed,” Winry whispered softly after a bit, shirking in apprehension as they edged around another corner. Her heart was beating like a drum. “Ed, maybe we should turn around.”

He looked over his shoulder at her. He was smirking, but without the same raw confidence he usually possessed. He looked, at second glance, apprehensive. Winry wondered if his heart was beating as hard and fast as hers. “Nothing’s happened yet,” he said pragmatically, then shrugged. “If the whole thing is just building up tension, then this is gonna be a hard let down. Don’t worry Winry, it’ll be--”

He stopped. Winry’s eyes went wide as she heard what had silenced him. They both turned suddenly, staring into the corn field behind them. “What was--” Winry started, but the corn shifted again, and she closed her mouth. She felt the colour draining from her face, and she gripped Ed’s hand impossibly tighter.

“I don’t think that that was anything,” he said, but sounded unconvinced. “C’mon, lets keep--”

A deep, menacing chuckle bubbled from the corn stalks. Ed immediately started tugging at Winry’s hand to pull her backward, but she became frozen in place.

“ _Run, little children_ ,” said the voice, taunting. “ _Run. I like the chase!_ ”

A white-faced, demonic looking _creature_ exploded from the stalks with a manic glint in it’s dead, black eyes. It had slicks of black, greasy-looking hair framing its face, black lips, black rings around its eyes. It’s fingers were clawed, and poised. It cackled enthusiastically at the sight of them, stock-still and gaping.

Winry screamed just as Ed shouted, “Jesus fuck!” Then he finally succeeded in getting Winry to move. Her feet caught up with her brain and both she and Ed started sprinting away from the creature, which was pursuing them with the same insane laughter that had alerted them to its existence.

They came to a dead end. Winry, in full panic-mode, started chanting: “No, no, no, no, no!” They could still hear it rushing after them, not far behind. Edward, having retained at least a few of his wits, dragged Winry straight into the corn.

After a moment of blind, frantic dragging, they burst through to another path, and crashed headlong into some of the people they’d separated from at the beginning of the maze.

“What the fuck?” one of them said. Then, taking stock of Ed and Winry (red-faced, struggling to breathe, sweating, and covered in brush): “What happened?’

“Some sort of demon thing,” Ed replied, panting. “Scared the bejesus out of us.”

“No shit,” said another. He then gestured behind them. “Don’t go back that way. Fucking Mike Meyers came at us.”

Winry shuddered.

“Want to stick with us? There’s strength in numbers,” offered the first guy. “Only one way forward anyway,” he added. “Unless you want to go back and hang out with Mike.”

“No thanks,” Winry answered, holding a stitch in her side; she had every intention of avoiding all things nightmare-inducing. She ran her other hand through her hair, catching corn stalk debris. How had Ed convinced her to do this, again?

“Yeah. Fuck that. Group sounds great,” Ed agreed. Winry took his hand again.

The group gave Ed and Winry another minute to catch their breath, then they all started moving forward.

The group they’d joined had two guys and one girl. They had come out from Central City, where they were all in their first year at the trades college. Barry was studying to be a butcher, while Denny and Maria were ‘trying their hand at whatever’ but were thinking of dropping out and joining the army together. Conversation had just come around to Winry and Ed--studying engineering and chemistry, respectfully, both at Xerxes, having gone to school/lived in Central City--when they turned down a path where the corn stalks were draped top to bottom in spider webs.

“Who the hell are these people?” Barry asked, closely inspecting a web. “This isn’t like, dollar store cotton ball webbing. This shit is straight out of spiderman’s wrist.”

“What exactly are you suggesting, Barry?” Maria asked, having a closer look herself. “That the people who built the maze contracted spiders to mass produce webs for them?”

“Or spiderman,” Barry reiterated.

Maria rolled her eyes.

A slight, unnatural breeze then blew out of nowhere. It fluttered through the webbing, barely shaking the corn stalks. The group paused, watching. No one said anything.

A slight clanging echoed in the distance.

“Do you hear…” Denny whispered, but didn’t finish. The clanging reverberated in the field beyond their walled-in pathway. It was impossible to tell which side it was coming from; it sounded like it was _everywhere_. Goosebumps crawled on Winry’s skin.

Then: Ghosts.

They materialized in the corn, on the path; they floated listlessly through the webbing, like it wasn’t even there. Then they spotted the group. Their mouths stretched wide, and they _wailed_. Chains were attached to all of their wrists and ankles, and the chains _clanged_. They charged down the five teenagers.

Everyone screamed, then tore forward almost as one, trying to dodge the ghosts. More materialized as they ran, and the new ghosts pursued them, wailing and clanging the same as the rest. They heard more shrill shrieks in the distance, but there was no time to process what might be happening to other people elsewhere in the maze.

They ran until someone shouted, “They’re gone!” They had reached a large circular clearing, and everyone doubled-over, winded. Barry was nearly heaving.

“That-- Was-- So-- Frickin-- _Real_ ,” Denny managed, gasping, staring back down the path they’d come from. “How did. I mean--”

“I am sure,” Maria replied, just as breathless, “That there’s a reasonable explanation.”

Winry squeaked, not trusting herself to speak.

The second they’d all managed to calm down, zombies converged on them.

These were _definitely_ not zombies like the _Thriller_ flash mobbers. These had wounds that were chasmal and festering, stretching out over palid, greenish tinged skin. Their eyeballs and teeth were yellowing and degenerated. Blood seemed to be dripping from _everywhere_. These were unequivocally the _Living Dead_ and Winry was _fucking done_. She let go of Edward’s hand, and then she full on _bolted_.

“Winry!” Ed called after her, voice laden with panic, then: “Fuck! Gross!” and she knew that he was running too, as were the others. The zombies groaned and grabbed at their clothes, trying to tug them down to the ground. None of them were chorusing ‘Braaaaaaains’ but the implication was very, _very_ clear.

Winry managed to outrun them, but as soon as she thought she might be safe, other things lurched out of the shadows at her: More cackling, creepy-ass demons, some holding bloody weapons like machetes; a creepy, Pennywise-style clown; a headless horseman; some jacked-up-looking fuck covered in blood and wielding a bloody chainsaw; a wolfman. She could see more ghosts in the corn stalks, inching toward her. Blood was pounding in her ears, and her heart was aiming to beat straight out of her chest.

“Winry!” She could hear Ed calling her, but it was a faraway sound that she could barely register. She led the charge, sprinting pell-mell, absolutely no idea of where she was going, or where she should go. She couldn’t remember anything the maze people had told her at the beginning, before she and Ed had come in here. Something about landmarks? Something about ignoring the signs? Who knew? Who cared? Winry didn’t. _Couldn’t_. She just ran and ran and ran and _ran_ , in a blind panic, never glancing over her shoulder, struggling _not_ to be brought up dead--literally or figuratively--by whatever else might be going bump in the night around her.

Winry twisted and turned herself around corn shuck corridors to the point of having no sense of direction left. She could feel the leering, _fiendish_ eyes of who-even-knew-what on her from the shadows. She hated this, hated this, hated this, _hated this_. When she finally burst into the clearing on the other side of the stupid, suffocating _corn_ , it was like the clear air and sky were sucker-punching her in the lungs. She dropped to her knees in gratitude, straining to find her breath, ignoring the tittering chorus of laughter around her. Winry supposed that she must look quite a sight to others who had finished the trek, sweating and panting and grovelling, after probably crashing out of the maze like a deranged kool-aid man.

Winry turned over onto her butt, then flopped back onto the ground, staring up at the stars. She watched her breath form clouds as her heart and brain calmed down, easing her back to sanity. Then Ed appeared, looking down at her. “Uh,” he said, eyes-wide. “Are you broken now? Because I didn’t keep my receipt.”

In spite of herself, Winry laughed. “Fuck off, Edward,” she muttered, and he smiled, slightly. His now shaggy hair (the first thing he’d done after he’d graduated was to start growing it out) dangled down, full of corn maze refuse. Ed had streaks of dirt on his face and clothes, mingled with sweat. “You look how I feel,” she said.

He shrugged, then he eased himself down, lying beside her.

“You missed the vampire,” he said after a moment. “I don’t know where the hell you went, but we lost you, then nearly got clotheslined by this trip-wire. I ate dirt, so did the others. And this vampire shows up… creepy, fucking creeping looking, but like… soliloquizing? And all I could think of was Pablo Neruda and so I started quoting poetry.”

Winry turned her head to look at him. “At the vampire?”

“Yeah. Like it was a rap battle. Anyway, I confused him to the point where he said ‘I don’t want to suck your blood, get out of here’ and he pointed us in the direction of the exit.”

Winry snorted. “Only Edward Elric could challenge a vampire to a poetry slam. And _win_.”

“Broke the spell of that hell-hole, anyway,” Ed replied, grinning. “So no scary corn maze, next year?”

“Never again in my life.”

“Sorry Win. That was _not_ the tits.”

“Nope.”

They continued to lie there for a while longer, turning their attentions back to the sky. A part of Winry half expected to see a ghost ship sail across the waxing moon. She knew, completely, that nothing she had seen had been real, and that she had not actually been in any sort of danger; that those had just been sadistic cosplayers going-for-broke. But, still. _Still_. Winry shuddered involuntarily. Nope. Nope. Never ever again, no thanks.

It was getting well beyond late, so Winry and Ed finally pulled themselves up and hiked back to the parking lot. They found Barry, Maria, and Denny there, standing by their own vehicle, where Barry was pantomiming some of the worst bits of the night with gusto.

“All right there, Winry?” Maria asked.

Winry offered her a sheepish smile and a shrug. “I thought it would be more obviously fake.”

“Yeah me too,” Marie replied. “There’s a lame, kitschy one out by New Optain. _Super_ family friendly. I think kids even decorate it or something like that. Plus it closes by like, 7:30.”

“Sounds more my speed,” Winry said.

“You guys wanna go? Tomorrow night?” Denny interjected, looking hopeful. “I hear they’ve got a whole fall fair type dealio.”

“I’m going to buy like… 18 pies,” Barry said.

Ed looked at Winry. She sighed. “Nothing scary? Promise?”

“ _God_ no,” Maria answered. “If it is we can jump ship and… go watch all the Halloweentown movies, or something.”

Winry laughed. “I dig it,” she said. “And.. yeah. Sure. Let's do it.”

The group exchanged numbers and made plans to meet up the next night, before saying their goodbyes. It would be another long drive (a longer drive, actually), but maybe the result of it wouldn’t be quite so awful. _Then again_ , Winry thought as she clamored into the truck beside Ed, waving to Barry, Denny, and Maria out the passenger side window, _Making new friends isn’t too bad of a trade-off for nearing peeing my pants._

Ed and Winry drove in silence until they merged back onto the interstate.

Winry was the first to speak.

“Hey, Ed?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s a mummy’s favorite type of music?”

Ed smiled broadly and cast her sly, side-long look (not taking his eyes off of the road). “I dunno, Win; what?”

“Wrap.”

Ed laughed.

“Ed?”

“Yeah?”

“Why can’t the boy ghost have babies?”

“Oh God. I’m almost afraid to ask.”

“Because he has a hallo-weenie.”

Ed rolled his eyes. Winry grinned.

“Hey. Hey Ed.”

“Yeeeeeeeah, Winry?”

“What do Italians eat on Halloween?”

Ed raised his eyebrows. “I dunno. What do they eat?”

“Fettuccine Afraid-o.”

Groaning, Ed said, “Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!”

“One more.”

“... Okay.”

“How much do pirates pay for corn?”

“One chocolate dubloon?”

“No, definitely not.”

“Tell me, then.”

Winry shimmed closer to him on the bench seat, leaned forward, and gently nibbled on Edward’s ear. Then she tugged on his earlobe with her teeth. He made a strangled sound in his throat, and she whispered: “A buck-an-ear.”

“You’re going to kill me, Winry,” Ed said, voice cracking. “Or you’re going to inadvertently kill us both when I flip this truck into a ditch.”

“Maybe… pull off the road instead?” She put her hand on his thigh and squeezed. “All that adrenaline… I’ve gotta do _something_ with it.”

Ed made a sound that might have been _Meep_. Then he raced against Winry’s wandering hands for the nearest exit.

They left the cabin light on.

  
***

  
Friday, 30th October 2018

(9:15) 

(9:17) _Is this going to be your new method of propositioning me, Ed?_

(9:18) Depends, is it working ??

(9:20) _No. I’m having an episodic flashback, and we will probably never have sex again._

(9:22) Diiiiiidn’t stop you laaaaast niiiiight

(9:22) Or this morning

(9:23) Or am I just such a beefcake that I put all that trauma out of your mind

(9:25) _You are the source of /all/ my suffering, actually._

(9:27) Sure

(9:28) _Bring me my coffee. Then maybe I’ll forget that._

(9:31) I’m getting to it, the line’s long

(9:33) Also, this is you right now, FYI:

(9:34) 

(9:35) _Would’ve been a better time. For future reference._

(9:37) I’ll remember that for next year


	2. Window Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You look like Professor Farnsworth.”  
> “That’s appropriate, because I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.”
> 
>  **Prompt** : October 26th: Haunted House
> 
> ~~Trick or~~ **Treat**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edward is Plain Text  
> Winry is _Italics_

A week prior to the corn maze debacle, while wandering around the 24-hour campus grocery store at 3am, Ed and Winry stumbled across something ridiculous. Or, well, something that Ed thought was ridiculous, anyway.

The 24-hour grocery store--a Kroger--was ingeniously positioned at the heart of Xerxes, smack across from the largest residence on campus, Brandywine Hall (Ed was on the 7th floor, and Winry on the 11th). There were enough residential areas surrounding the university to merit local foot traffic, but the student body was obviously their bread and butter, buzzing in and out of the automatic doors in steady droves, and at all hours of the day and night. With a cafeteria in res that included a Pita Pit, Winry hadn’t expected to spend much time buying groceries, but it didn’t take long for her to start acquiring a large chunk of her daily food there. They took the campus student card for 15% off whatever you were buying too, so despite having a school food card, she let daily Kroger visits cut much her spending money.

Winry and Ed both had mini-fridges, kettles, and toasters in their rooms, and so stocked up on basics like tea and bread and milk and Captain Crunch all the time. A 24-hour grocery store was a God-send for late night study sessions (pound back energy drinks and eat a full package of Fudgeos in a sitting), drunk nights out (down that whole pack of damn hot pepperoni), or if you got back home from class _just_ after the cafeteria closed (pick and choose from the hot lunch bar). They had these epic yogurt parfaits that Winry ate for breakfast religiously, and Ed walked around with a supply of wedge fries in his pockets about 85% of the time, like he thought he was Napoleon Dynamite. All of that uninhibited _consuming_ had its price, though, and Winry well understood why the Freshman 15 was a thing; it was much easier to eat well when an adult was making sure you did, otherwise you might find yourself falling for the siren song of Kroger, then struggling up four-flights to your room with 3 for $6 bags of tostitos, a litre of salsa, and a 6-pack of fruit danishes. (And like… twice a week.)

(Ed at least still did martial arts, and other extracurriculars. Winry kept her fingers crossed that her metabolism wouldn’t give out before she left university; otherwise her only real physical activity, other than walking everywhere, was what she spent horizontal, sometimes vertical, on various surfaces with Ed.)

This particular Friday had not been spent that way (yet), but they’d been up watching a movie-- _Robin Hood: Men in Tights_ \-- in Ed’s dorm (his roommate was staying at his girlfriend’s apartment--Oh, to have an apartment!), and had felt hungry when it finished. They were having one of those I-have-no-idea-what-to-eat nights, though, and so they just wandered aimlessly around Kroger for a while, waiting for something to catch their fancy.

That was when Ed found it.

“Oh _God_ ,” he said with a groan. “Is this what the world has come to?”

Winry looked up from where she’d been suspiciously eyeing some Halloween-themed two-bite cupcakes. “What?” she asked. He was standing by the bread and looked like nothing in the world made sense anymore. “You look like Professor Farnsworth.”

“That’s appropriate, because I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.” He turned to look at her, grumping. “Come look at this, seriously.”

Winry walked over and dutifully looked. What she saw made her snort: It was a shelf full of kits for gingerbread-style haunted houses.

“Is nothing sacred?” Ed asked. “Just. Why. Why though? Gingerbread houses are a Christmas tradition! And just. Look.” He gestured. “The house ones are bad enough, but a _Scooby Doo_ gingerbread haunted house kit? _Why?_ What market was asking for that?”

“Aw look, there’s a little cardboard Mystery Machine with Scooby and the gang inside!” Winry answered, having mostly tuned out Ed’s tirade in favor of inspecting the kits a little more closely. “What?” she asked, as he glared. “I dunno, I think it’s kind of fun!” “

You’d want to build a gingerbread Scooby Doo haunted house,” Ed deadpanned, disbelieving.

“Sure?” Winry replied with a shrug. “Why not? Don’t shit on other people’s fun, Ed. Just because you don’t want to do it doesn’t mean there aren’t people out there who think it’s neat. Besides, it was probably available as an option long before you noticed it.”

Ed deflated, then rolled his eyes. “But it’s a _Christmas_ thing.”

“Mass consumerism has turned holiday seasons into corporate cash cows,” Winry said. “We’re not exactly celebrating baby Jesus by making a gingerbread house, so who cares if I make one in October instead and put a ghost on it? Who is that hurting?”

“No one. I guess,” Ed said, but it was clear he wasn’t sold. He didn’t push it though. He turned away from the offending kits and wandered over to look at birthday cakes. Winry did catch him glance over his shoulder at the shelf again though, looking as though he was contemplating the most discreet way to set them all on fire.

They left Kroger about 15 minutes later, with a massive package of Red Vines, and a family-sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

  
***

  
Friday, 30th October 2015

(2:06) _I found the perfect shirt for you!_

(2:08) Oh ?

(2:09) Do tell

(2:11) _Hold on, I’ll screenshot it._

(2:12) _Here:_

(2:12) 

(2:14) I mean

(2:14) I would totally wear that

(2:15) But isn’t it a little more up your spoopy alley

(2:17) _Au contraire, ma cherie. I found an even BETTER one for me._

(2:18) _BEHOLD:_

(2:18) 

(2:20) Hahahaha

(2:21) I love it

(2:23) _You’ll be happy to hear that I’ve already ordered them. Happy Anniversary ish!_

(2:25) Anniversary

(2:25) ?

(2:27) _Yeah! The first time we met face-to-face was at the mall on the 26th of October. And then a year since our first date will be on the 1st._

(2:29) OH

(2:30) Well that went by fucking quick

(2:31) I hadn’t even thought about it

(2:31) How did you remember ??? Did you write it down somewhere

(2:34) _No? I just remembered._

(2:35) _But don’t. I mean. I’m not upset that you didn’t, or anything. I don’t expect you to get me anything either, for the record. Honestly. Cross my heart._

(2:36) _Unless you’ve got some more terrible Halloween jokes, which I will pretend to hate but secretly (or not-so-secretly) love._

(2:39) Might know one or two

(2:40) _Lay it on me._

(2:42) Anytime, Cupcake

(2:42) 

(2:45) _You’re incorrigible, Edward Elric. Now tell me some jokes!_

(2:48) Fine fine

(2:48) Use me for your weird-ass joke fetish

(2:49) I see how it is

(2:50) _You say that like we didn’t mutually woo each other with them._

(2:50) _What was it you called me? The Queen of Dick Jokes?_

(2:53) Dunno, memory’s pretty hazy

(2:55) _Butthead._

(2:56) _By the time you actually start telling me jokes it’ll be time to meet up and leave._

(2:58) FINE

(2:58) BUT LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I WAS UNDER DURESS

(3:00) _Whatever you need to tell yourself._

(3:02) Alright

(3:03) Who greets you at the door of a haunted house?

(3:05) _I dunno, who?_

(3:07) The ghost host.

(3:09) _Laaaame! 4/10._

(3:11) You’re rating me

(3:11) !?!?!?!

(3:13) _Next joke, please! Chop, chop!_

(3:15) Oh God

(3:16) FINE

(3:16) I’ll up the ante !!!!!

(3:17) Hey Winry, how did the haunted house get stolen paintings?

(3:18) _Gee whiz, Ed; I dunno! That’s a stumper. How?_

(3:20) You little

(3:21) YOU’RE THE WORST

(3:23) _Weird punchline. 1/10._

(3:25) THAT’S NOT THE PUNCHLINE

(3:36) The punchline is: “They were from a polterheist!”

(3:38) _Okay, 6/10. I may have giggled. Slightly._

(3:40) Okay okay

(3:42) In it to win it now, fuck this

(3:44) _You’re so easy to goad, Ed._

(3:45) WHATEVER

(3:46) What was for dinner at the haunted house

(3:46) ??????

(3:48) _I’m sensing a theme here._

(3:49) _What was for dinner, Ed?_

(3:52) Ghoulash

(3:54) _Womp womp. 5/10._

(3:56) You are hard to please

(3:58) _I just like to make you work for it, Edward._

(4:00) You’re also a tease, Winry Rockbell

(4:01) _Maybe._

(4:01) _One more joke, then I’ll come down to meet you._

(4:03) FINE

(4:04) Why did the haunted house scream

(4:04) ?

(4:05) _No idea._

(4:07) From window pain

(4:09) _Hahahahaha!_

(4:10) _That one made me snort. 8/10._

(4:11) _Thanks for humoring me, Ed. Be right down._

(4:13) You’re welcome

(4:14) I think

  
***

  
On Sunday morning Ed snuck out early, leaving Winry curled in a toasty ball under the blankets. Winry didn’t even flinch when he got out of bed. It was raining outside; the window was slightly ajar, enough to let the pittering sounds filter in. It was the perfect sort of morning for overlong snuggles and staying in bed, spooning skin-to-skin. His roommate was staying at his girlfriend’s place _again_ (which happened more often than not lately, not that Ed minded much), so if Ed hadn’t actively and _purposefully_ gotten up, the two of them might not have roused until lunch. He watched her as he pulled on his socks and trainers; Winry’s mouth was slightly open, a little puddle of drool on the pillow beside her. Her hair was mussed, and Ed could just barely see the hollow of her neck, which was inviting him back under the covers. God, he was lucky. So stupidly, ridiculously lucky. He loved her and she loved him and here they were. How fucking awesome was that?

Ed stayed strong and left the room. He could always strip down and go back to bed after he got back; it wasn’t like he was going to be gone long. The campus Starbucks was only a block and a half away.

He came back drenched, 20 minutes later, and, shivering, set two drinks (a caramel macchiato for himself, and a earl grey tea latte for Winry) and two bags of breakfast (banana bread for himself, and lemon loaf for Winry) on his side-table. He adjusted the positioning of the cups carefully in Winry’s line of sight, then he tore off his wet clothes and climbed chattering into the twin bed beside her, closest to the wall. He tried to pull her close.

She woke up immediately and shrieked.

“ _Ed_!” she squeaked, squirming away from him. “You’re ice cold! Why are you so cold? Get away from me!”

“I was out in the rain,” Ed replied, and he tried to grab her again, and pull her back toward him. “Come back here. _Give me your warms_. Help me heat up before I _die_ from hypothermia.”

“No!” Winry said, doing her best to avoid him. “You’re so cold!” Ed touched her bare thigh and she shrieked again, then pushed him away. “Get out of here! Ugh and I was so comfy! You’re ruining my toasty nest with your undead body temperature.”

“Sorry not sorry,” Ed said, finally succeeding in tucking both arms around her and pulling her back, right up against him. Winry _really_ shrieked this time, and Ed laughed with maniac triumph.

“You _bastard_!” Winry said, squirming. “Let me go!”

“ _Never_ ,” Ed replied, squeezing her tighter. “Just give up, Winry. You’ll warm back up in two seconds. I just need a little bit of your warms to kick-start my own. Then I’ll be a furnace again and you’ll be fine. A few moments pain for the rest of the morning in those roasty, toasty warms.”

“You’re. The. _Worst_ ,” Winry answered, still struggling. Then, abruptly, she stopped. “Wait,” she said. “When were you out in the rain? _Why_ were you out in the rain?”

“A few minutes ago? I left here about 20 minutes ago, I guess. Snuck out.”

“Again, though: Why?”

“Look at the side-table.”

Winry did.

The earl grey tea latte was labelled ‘Queen of Dick Jokes’. The caramel macchiato was labelled ‘Ed, who goes to Dick School’.

“Happy Anniversary,” Ed said, grinning into her hair. He could feel her laughing, and he relaxed his grip.

“ _Ed_ ,” she said softly. He could hear the smile on her face. “Is that. Is that the same stuff we had on our first date?”

“Yeah,” Ed replied. “I remember things. Sometimes.”

Winry rolled over to face him, inching close. Her smile was indeed broad, and her eyes were a bit watery, like maybe she was trying not to cry.

“You’re wonderful,” she said.

“Right back at ya.” He kissed her.

His arms were still wrapped around her, and Winry slid her hands up to cup his face. It was a slow, deep, _awesome_ kiss; the sort filled will unsaid, happy things; with emotions otherwise awkward or hard to express. It didn’t take them long to really start warming up after that, but Ed put on the brakes (for the moment).

“Hey. Wait a sec.”

“What?”

“Your real present is under the bed.”

“And you would rather I go find it than carry on what we’re heading toward here?”

“For the moment, yes. We can come back to…” Ed gestured between them. “This.”

Winry gave him an appraising look. Then she shrugged, disengaged, and rolled back over, leaning out of the covers and over the side of the bed. She rummaged for a minute, shuffling around shoes and books. “In the Kroger bag?” she asked.

“Yes.”

Winry came back up, bag in tow. Out of it she pulled a kit for a gingerbread Scooby Doo haunted house. She blinked at it, surprised, then looked at him.

“Thought we might do it later,” he said. “I mean. Build the thing. Do _it_ it too, but I think that that was just pretty heavily implied with the heavy petting and whatnot, without me overstating it.”

“After all that complaining about how a gingerbread house is for Christmas, you bought me this?”

“Nah, found it in a dumpster. Had to fight a hobo for it,” Ed said. Then: “Of course I bought the dumb thing for you. I could have a unbreakable commitment to any conviction, Win, and all you would really have to do is look at me the right way and I’d be off in the other direction in a heartbeat.”

Winry smiled slightly. “That’s an awful lot of power to give me, Ed.”

“Just don’t abuse it,” Ed said. “Or do. Whatever. I’ll come along anyhow. Off a bridge, off a cliff, off to the depths of hell.. You know. All those cliches.”

She surveyed him with a sort of wonder, then leaned down and kissed him again. “You’re a weirdo,” she whispered, not sounding the least bit unhappy with the proclamation.

“You like it. If I were a betting dude, I’d wager you love it, even.”

“I do,” Winry said. “No bets required. I love your weirdness. I love _you_. Mook.”

“Love you too.” Ed paused. “Did I do alright?” he asked. “I’m not on the up-and-up with this anniversary business. Or romance.”

“I told you you didn’t have to do anything. I wasn’t expecting anything,” Winry replied. “But yeah, Ed. Yeah. You did good.” She set the gingerbread house kit on the floor and snuggled back down cbeside him. "Edward Elric's dating tips.... number... _16_ , I think we're at?"

Edward groaned, then rolled onto his back, covering his eyes with his hands. "I wish these would _die_."

"They never will, Ed. I'm going to make sure that they're the epitah on your tombstone." He gave her a shove and she smiled wide. "Wanna hear #16?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No. It's: _Build a gingerbread haunted house with her, even if you think it ruins the sanctity of Christmas_."

Ed peeked at her between his fingers. "That makes me sound like a pushover."

Winry laughed. "You  _literally_ just told me that I could push you right off of a cliff. Art imitates life?"

"Oh shut up, Winry," Ed answered. Then he rolled back toward her and pulled her tight to him again, before kissing her soundly. They smiled into their kisses, unable to stop the occasionally giggle from bubbling up between them.

Love drunk and naked, it didn’t take much effort to shake any of the lingering chill that Ed had brought back to the dorm room with him from his excursion. By the time they were done (left breathless, red-cheeked, sweating, and sated), their drinks were barely lukewarm.

Worth it, though.


End file.
